Paragraph 1:talks about self-image.differences between

 

IDEA MAP

Paragraph 1:Talks about self-image.Differences between positive/negative self-image.

Paragraph 2: Bullying behavior – reasons for bulling.

Paragraph 3:Bullying is a difficult concept to define.

Paragraph 4: Defines bullying.

Paragraph 5:Forms of bullying

Paragraph 6:Bullying in the workplace

Paragraph 7:Self-esteem and bullying

Paragraph 8:Talks about the parties involved in bullying and related self-esteem.

Paragraph 9:Consequences of bullying.

Paragraph 10:Crossover between bullies and those who are bullied.

Paragraph 11:Cyberbullying

RECOMMENDATIONS AND STRATEGIES FOR IMPROVEMENT

Let’s take a step back in understanding the purpose of a persuasive essay.

A persuasive essay is not merely written to inform the reader, but to convince the reader to take action.

Currently, I’m missing the persuasive aspect of this essay. The way in which this is written at this point is very expository – in that it seeks to provide quite a bit of interesting information about bullying to the reader – but does not make clear a CALL TO ACTION.

Thesis:

“People’s sense of self-worth is closely linked to the relationship they have with others and therefore a sign of rejection which can manifest in many ways such as being bullied or even make someone bully others can threaten self-esteem.”

This thesis, as written, simply makes a statement and leaves out a call to action.The assignment guidelines require the thesis to indicate a problem or need – and then include a call to action that you would like readers to take in response.

Take a look at how you can revise this to include a required action.So – you might focus on the fact that whether someone is bullied or is a bully – there are effects that can threaten self-esteem – THEREFORE…WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO AMMEND OR CORRECT THIS?

Are programs needed?

Zero tolerance?

Ways of tracking bullying?

More available resource to help redirect the bully/bullied and assist in rebuilding self-esteem?

Not sure what direction you feel you need to go in.

RHETORICAL STRUCTURE’

It’s important to look at and follow the order below when it comes to organizing this information.

HOOK:

This is where you want to draw the reader in.There must be a way to lead with more staggering statistics around bullying – some real eye-opening facts that you’ve learned in researching.

ESTABLISH THE NEED:

Use the evidence within the body to really explain what the problem is and how your audience is affected.So – whether you’re the bully or bullying – you can undoubtedly be affected – as can your self-esteem.What would happen if nothing is changed??

SATISFY THE NEED:

You must spend some time within this essay offering a solution to the problem.I’m missing this.What do you want your audience to believe – and then what should they do?How will your CALL TO ACTION solve this problem?

VISUALIZE THE FUTURE:

Explain what things will look like if action IS or IS NOT taken.

CALL TO ACTION:

Be specific in the steps that need to be taken.

REMEMBER…

Aristotle, a Greek philosopher, is considered by many scholars as the father of rhetoric (persuasion). Aristotle advocates that effective rhetoric must have an appropriate balance of the following areas:

  • Ethos (Credibility),
  • Logos (Logic)
  • Pathos (Emotion)

And I found U did not use any quotation in this essay

please fix that too

Because My professor highlighted that our essay should write like this

(Your intro) Dr. Willy Weather, a weather specialist at Stanford University, was quoted saying, (Quote) “Sandy has claimed more lives than any of us expected, and seems to be continuing to do so” (72). (Analysis/Connection) In fact, not only has it surpassed their expectation, but it has caused more deaths than both Hurricane Irene and Katrina. 

XYZ (author’s name) makes a good point when s/he states that “quote” (pg #)

XYZ remarks that it is important to remember “quote” (pg #)

XYZ indicates that “quote” (pg #)

Verbs to introduce a quote:

Neutral: writes, states, observes, remarks, etc

Ones with attitude: laments, protests, charges, admits, etc

Always have a good reason for using a direct quote

Do not let it stand alone allow quote to speak for themselves.

Always make sure you provide an analysis of the quote

Extract those parts of the passage that need quoting, and integrate quotes smoothly into your text.

Putting a passage from the source into your own words

About the same length as the original passage

DOES NOT follow the same sentence structure or wording

Includes an in text citation at the end of the paraphrase and the author’s name at the beginning of the citation

Puts someone else’s main idea into your own words.

Includes an in-text citation at the end of the summary and the author’s name at the beginning of the passage to AVOID plagiarism and CREDIT the author. 

Analysis

___ and ___ (action word)’s that (point you’re making).

Example: “Quote blah blah,” (72). The “blah” and “blah” in this excerpt demonstrates that Ms. Z wants the readers to focus on only the structure of the sentence.Analysis

___ and ___ (action word)’s that (point you’re making).

Example: “Quote blah blah,” (72). The “blah” and “blah” in this excerpt demonstrates that Ms. Z wants the readers to focus on only the structure of the sentence.

Interpretation of Facts

If (stat/fact from quote), then (connection to point).

Example: “Study shows blah” (3). If blah, then this is the point I’m trying to make.

ENVELOPE a quote into your sentence,

USE a quote to support you point.

Quoting within frame – putting it in your thoughts and words

Basic Framing —

1. Explain who is speaking

2. Set up what the quotation says

i.e. Ms. XXX verifies/denies/demands that “ ———— “ ( page #)

3. The follow-up statements should explain why you consider the quotation to be important and what you take it to say.

Good Example : Notice the quote sandwiched by the sentences highlighted in red.

The feminist professor Susan Bordo deplores Western media’s obsession with female thinness and dieting. Her basic complaint is that increasing numbers of women across the globe are being led to see themselves as fat and in need of diet. Citing the islands of Fiji as a case in point, Bordo insightfully points out (do not use “say”) “until television was introduced in 1995, the islands had no reported cases of eating disorders. In 1998, three years after programs from the United States and Britain began broadcasting there, 62 percent of the girls surveyed reported dieting” (149-150). Bordo’s point is that the Western cult of dieting is spreading even to remote places across the globe. Ultimately Bordo complains that the culture of dieting will find you, regardless of where you live.

Bordo’s observations ring true to me because, now that I think about it, most women I know, regardless of where they are from, are seriously unhappy with their weight…

IF the resources is from website, please add DOI 

I send u like 5 ATTACHMENTS before

all the information u can check In the “write an Persuasive Essay” section

As long as u mention a resource to support your idea, u must need use quotation to say that

please focus on the Sentence pattern, It is very important.

Good Example : Notice the quote sandwiched by the sentences highlighted in red.

The feminist professor Susan Bordo deplores Western media’s obsession with female thinness and dieting. Her basic complaint is that increasing numbers of women across the globe are being led to see themselves as fat and in need of diet. Citing the islands of Fiji as a case in point, Bordo insightfully points out (do not use “say”) “until television was introduced in 1995, the islands had no reported cases of eating disorders. In 1998, three years after programs from the United States and Britain began broadcasting there, 62 percent of the girls surveyed reported dieting” (149-150). Bordo’s point is that the Western cult of dieting is spreading even to remote places across the globe. Ultimately Bordo complains that the culture of dieting will find you, regardless of where you live.

Bordo’s observations ring true to me because, now that I think about it, most women I know, regardless of where they are from, are seriously unhappy with their weight…

Forget to emphasize, A persuasive essay is not merely written to inform the reader, but to convince the reader to take action. The way in which this is written at this point is very expository – in that it seeks to provide quite a bit of interesting information about bullying to the reader – but does not make clear a CALL TO ACTION. This thesis, as written, simply makes a statement and leaves out a call to action. The assignment guidelines require the thesis to indicate a problem or need – and then include a call to action that you would like readers to take in response.

Take a look at how you can revise this to include a required action. So – you might focus on the fact that whether someone is bullied or is a bully – there are effects that can threaten self-esteem

please also focus on the APA formatting 

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